Viva Las TSE
by frostyfreezyfreeze54
Summary: In the two-part season finale, the boys find themselves vacationing in Las Vegas, the city of opportunity and where luck may be a lady. In the big storyline, RK and Buster...ah, you have to read to find out. Also, Jaylynn makes her big decision on whether or not to move to Seattle.
1. Viva Las TSE Part I

_Thank You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide The Day

SEASON 1

EPISODE 20/21

Airdate: August 31, 2013

Title: Viva Las TSE (Parts 1 & 2; Season Finale)

Special Guest Stars: Michael Kostroff as Marshall Pike, AC/DC (Brian Johnson, Angus Young, Malcolm Young, Phil Rudd, and Cliff Williams) as Themselves

("Get Up" by Big Time Rush playing in the background)

The opening scene shows Sparky, Buster, RK, and KG going through their morning routines.

-Sparky eats a bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats, a blueberry muffin, and a glass of Tropicana orange juice (no pulp). During all this, he has an annoyed, uninterested look on his face.

-Buster does two push-ups, and kisses two pictures: The first one is of Alyssa Milano, and the second is of Cimorelli (he literally takes the time to kiss each girl).

-RK salutes his "Keep Calm Because You Have To" poster and kisses two pictures of his own: One of Lisa Cimorelli, his favorite member, and a large picture of Buster.

-KG brags to his friends on Facebook about going to Vegas. He then performs the riff from "Enter Sandman" by Metallica.

-Wade is at home, relying on prescription painkillers. His racially-motivated assault by the white guys in the last episode ("Never Forget The Dream") left him unable to go on the road for three weeks, and keeping him from the Vegas trip.

SCENE 1

The MacDougal Household

Exterior Frontyard

Seattle, Washington

The luggage is being loaded into Sparky's car. Next stop: The Bellagio.

SPARKY: KG, are you sure the reservations were set up?

KG: 100%. The guy said he'll have room keys ready for us when we arrive.

BUSTER: I don't want to be rude, but is KG only coming because Wade can't?

(imitating Michael Yarmush) SPARKY: BUSTER!

BUSTER: What, this is a serious question.

RK: Baby cakes, we already agreed that KG was going to come anyway.

KG: Yeah? Why I would miss a free trip to Vegas?

SPARKY: Technically, you're paying for half the trip alongside me.

KG: You take what you can get. Besides, AC/DC is rumored to play at The Bellagio.

RK: Dude, that's just a rumor.

KG: It's not. They played at MGM Grand a couple days ago.

BUSTER: I heard they're in Phoenix playing at the U.S. Airways Center.

KG: Well, you're the stupid one, what do you know? Wait, is he the stupid one still, I haven't been in the loop lately.

RK: Yeah, he's still the stupid one. But he is SO hot.

(RK blows Buster a "kiss," and he throws it on the ground in fear)

SPARKY: Guys, can we get on the road? I want to experience Vegas as much as possible.

(imitating SpongeBob) BUSTER: Aye-aye, captain!

(The boys get in the car, but Sparky stays still)

RK: Dude, what the (bleep) are you doing?

SPARKY: I don't know what song to play.

KG: I've got one on my iPod that fits the mood. Hook it up.

(Sparky hooks up KG's iPod, which is on the song already)

("The Way We Live" by Cimorelli playing in the car)

BUSTER: I thought you said Cimorelli is for little kids, KG.

KG: They're OK. And Christina is MINE! Nobody touch her.

RK: It's OK, brother. I've got dibs on Lisa.

BUSTER: I'm in love with them all.

SPARKY: Katherine's my girl.

(The boys stare at Sparky in a perplexed way)

SPARKY: What? The worthless romantic doesn't have any appeal?

RK: Not in this lifetime.

KG: Here. I fixed it.

(Sparky hooks up KG's iPod again)

BUSTER: Is it me, or do we give Cimorelli too much of an endorsement?

RK: We kinda do. But they'll thank us eventually when they decide to actually watch this show.

BOB: We're filming!

RK: Oh, great, they just HAD to bring this son of a bitch back for the season finale.

SPARKY: OK, let's light this party up!

BUSTER: What are you talking about?

("Light It Up" by Rev Theory playing in the car)

BUSTER AND RK: YEAHHHHHHHH, BUDDY!

SPARKY: Let's go!

(Buster, RK, and KG cheer as the road to Las Vegas begins)

While the song is playing, scenes are shown of Buster sticking his head out the car window, the boys jamming while wearing sunglasses, and a map that shows the car getting to Vegas. For some reason, Sparky stops by the Nickelodeon Animation Studio in Burbank, California, and him, RK, and Buster walk out of the car with baseball bats and bandanas.

KG: What the (bleep) are you guys doing?

The boys don't answer, and keep on their path. There can be audible screaming heard in the building. The boys walk out covered in blood.

KG: Can someone explain to me what that was about?

SPARKY: Let's just say, there are going to be some serious changes in that studio.

KG: I still don't get...

RK: SERIOUS CHANGES, BROTHER!

BUSTER: WORD!

(long pause; Buster looks like he's trying to kill someone, or trying to regain his sight)

KG: Buster, what are you looking at?

The song resumes, and the boys make it to The Bellagio.

SCENE 2

The Bellagio Hotel

Exterior Entrance

Paradise, Nevada

(The group walks into the hotel wearing tuxedos and sporting slicked-back hair)

BUSTER: OK, I have to ask. How the (bleep) did this happen? WE WERE IN THE CAR THE WHOLE TIME!

SPARKY: Reservations for party of four. MacDougal, Newman, Jennings, and Jennings Jr.

RK: Jr.?

KG: Don't take it to heart.

CONCIERGE: Oh yes, your room keys.

SPARKY: Much appreciated, monsieur.

(The boys take a minute to take in the sheer size of the hotel)

KG: Where's my breath? Oh yeah, I forgot. The Bellagio just took it away.

RK: That was SO corny.

SPARKY: Looks like Buster's in Heaven.

KG: What's this kid thinking about?

("Right Where You Want Me" by Jesse McCartney playing in the background)

Buster is in love with The Bellagio, and fantasizes about climbing the big staircase and flying off, much to the adoration of his friends and the guests. However, he is literally doing this and he falls flat on his face. The guests and KG are stunned, but Sparky and RK know this happens a lot.

RK: Pulse check?

SPARKY: Pulse check.

(Sparky and RK check Buster's pulse)

RK: He's fine. KG, you carry him while we carry the luggage.

(Sparky and Buster carry the luggage)

KG: I guess I'll never understand.

SCENE 3

The Bellagio Hotel

Interior Hotel Room

Paradise, Nevada

(KG sings "What About Love" by Austin Mahone)

RK: Are you really singing "What About Love"?

KG: No, I, uh...you see...

RK: I can handle Cimorelli, but him? Dude, what is your life about?

(long pause)

KG: Why do I have to share a room with you?

RK: We're brothers and Sparky and Buster are best friends. It works itself out.

KG: You know, it really sucks what happened to Wade, man.

RK: I know. Racism frightens me. I just hope the guy's OK.

(Wade is at home with a whole bunch of get well soon cards from friends and acquaintances, watching _The Boondocks _episode "The Itis")

RILEY: Ewww, Ms. DuBois, your peach cobbler look like throw-up.

GRANDDAD: Boy!

RILEY: It do, look. It look like throw-up with peas in it. Ms. DuBois, you been eating peas?

MS. DUBOIS: No, I haven't...

GRANDDAD: Boy, come here! What is wrong with you?

RILEY: What's wrong with me, what's wrong with her? She's the one who brought vomit over here in a Tupperware container.

GRANDDAD: That's not vomit! It just look like vomit! Now, apologize to Ms. DuBois.

MS. DUBOIS: Um, um...it's OK. Really.

RILEY: Fine! Ms. DuBois, I'm sorry your peach cobbler look like vomit with peas.

GRANDDAD: Dammit, boy!

MS. DUBOIS: Guys, guys, we don't have to...

RILEY: I DON'T CARE IF YOU BEAT ME, GRANDDAD, I WON'T EAT IT! THAT...IS DISGUSTING! THAT'S COMPLETELY UNCALLED FOR!

GRANDDAD: YOU'RE GOING TO EAT IT IF I HAVE TO HOSE YOU DOWN AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT!

(close to tears) RILEY: I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO! YOU TRYING TO KILL ME! I HATE YOU!

(Granddad Freeman chases Riley and starts whipping him with his belt, forcing him to eat the cobbler)

(Wade's phone rings)

WADE: Saltalamacchia residence. Sanna? Sanna "Hot Lips" Qureshi? Yes, you're calling the Wade-Man himself. So, yeah, some ruffians gave me a little trouble, so I had to let them know what time it was. Yeah, a herniated disk here, a concussion there, but that's what it takes to be a man. I know you're in awe of my heroic deed, so, here's the skinny. You come here with a big bottle of Strawberry Melon Brisk, I make some dinner, put on some Drake, we turn down the lights, you and I engage in some...lip wrestling. And it's all for you, baby.

JAYLYNN: EWWWW, THAT'S (BLEEP) GROSS, DUDE!

WADE: Jaylynn? What are you calling me for, I thought I was romancing Sanna. And why do you sound like Sanna on the phone?

JAYLYNN: I don't know who Sanna is. I'm looking for Sparky. He's there, right?

WADE: Nope. He left for Vegas with Buster and the Jennings Duo.

JAYLYNN: Damn. I wanted to tell him that I'm going to move to Seattle.

WADE: What do you need to move here for? I thought you liked Portland.

JAYLYNN: I do, but I need to be closer to my bro Sparky. Besides, you guys could use a mutual female friend.

WADE: Honestly? Just talk to Sparky right now. Call him in Vegas, you can afford the out-of-state fee in this era.

JAYLYNN: OK, I will. Thanks.

WADE: Any time. Oh, and Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: Yeah.

WADE: Sanna doesn't have to know, but we could use some lip wrestling. I could caress your hair and slip you the sneaky pink one. Together, we could make the place...hot.

JAYLYNN: Gross. Bye.

WADE: Bye.

(Wade hangs up)

WADE: Don't worry, champ. Nothing will save Sanna or Jaylynn from seeing the kind of man I really am. Ow, I bit my cheek! YOWZERS!

SCENE 4

The Bellagio Hotel

Interior Lobby

Paradise, Nevada

SPARKY: Well, Las Vegas has been a real blast so far.

KG: Sparky, we've only been here an hour.

SPARKY: You know, it's a good thing we have you around to always point out the obvious.

KG: It's a good thing we have you around to NEVER NOTICE the obvious.

RK: Cool, slot machines! Poker, three-card Monte, even Go Fish.

FRANCINE: Do you have any sixes?

BRAIN: Go fish.

FRANCINE: GO FISH YOURSELF!

SPARKY: RK, I don't want you anywhere near these things. They look cool, but they can clean you out of your money in a snap.

KG: I don't know. When it comes to cards, us Jennings have a sixth sense.

RK: KG's right. Uncle Carmine was a poker king. He won the World Series of Poker three years running, and nine times overall. They aired the championships on ESPN.

BUSTER: Hey, that's just like my uncle who was a hustler. He got on TV too.

SPARKY: Buster, it's not nearly the same thing. Your uncle was indicted for running an illegal gambling ring.

BUSTER: Yeah, but they devoted an hour-long news broadcast to him.

(long pause; Sparky has his trademark bored face)

SPARKY: Sigh. Look, it's not worth the risk. Card games are pure evil. Like thinking Peachtree will come through.

(Sparky is reading the papers when the Peachtree money bag drops on the table for him)

PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: I'm here.

(Sparky is disappointed with the bag's small size, rundown look and semi-annoying voice)

PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: What?

SPARKY: Nothing. It's just that I thought you would be bigger.

PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: Oh. You gotta call Peachtree.

SPARKY: OK.

PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: Because it's not like my feelings should matter.

SPARKY: What are you talking about?

PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: Well, that damn bank drops me from a far distance to unsatisfied customers. And does anyone care about me? NO!

SPARKY: Look, I'm going to call Peachtree.

PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: Yeah, and they'll replace me with a bigger bag. No, I'M SICK AND TIRED OF GETTING THE MOTHER(BLEEP) SHAFT ALL THE TIME!

SPARKY: Yeah, but...

(The bag pulls out a gun)

SPARKY: Damn, is that gun real?

PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: WHAT DO YOU THINK, YOU SID THE SCIENCE KID-LOOKING SON OF A BITCH?! NOW, REPEAT AFTER ME! I, Sparky Morton MacDougal...

SPARKY: I, Sparky Morton MacDougal...

PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: Promise to not call Peachtree and replace you...

SPARKY: Promise not to call Peachtree and replace you...

PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: Or risk getting my brains blown out of my skull.

SPARKY: Or risk getting my brains blown out of my skull.

PEACHTREE MONEY BAG: Great. I'll go in your room and stay there.

(long pause)

SPARKY: (Bleep) Peachtree.

KG: I don't think you look like Sid The Science Kid.

RK: Kinda, based on the facial...

(Sparky growls at RK)

RK: Structure.

SPARKY: Look, I don't want you to play card games. Get it? Got it? Good. Come on, KG, let's go hunting for showgirls.

KG: Sweet.

(Sparky and KG head to the showgirls performance)

RK: Oh, Buster...

BUSTER: I'm not doing what I think you want me to do.

RK: Wow. You're smarter than people give you credit for.

BUSTER: Really? I thought you wanted me to play card games and you'll coach me so you can win big money. But, if it was something else...

RK: No! I just need you to win a couple games. I think Uncle Carmine's talent is in my genes.

BUSTER: Forget it, dude. Sparky made it clear he doesn't want you to be around these things.

RK: Yes, my Vegas beauty, but he never said anything about you.

BUSTER: Nope. I'm not going to let you live vicariously through me to get done the things that you can't get done.

RK: Look, the way I see it, we have $2,000 in pocket money. We play the slot machines a couple times and we can triple that amount, maybe quadruple it.

BUSTER: Nah, I can't go against Sparky's wishes like that. We've been best friends since kindergarten. I disobey him, and he leaves my life for good...like Trina Perez.

RK: Who's Trina Perez?

BUSTER: Exactly. I'm going to go do something fun.

RK: Great, I'll follow you. And then maybe we can be some little rascals, go inside the same hotel room, I feed you, you feed me...

BUSTER: OK, I'LL PLAY!

RK: Wow. Either way, I would get what I want. There's no touching the kid.

BUSTER: OK, so how do I do this thing?

RK: You see that lever on the side there?

BUSTER: Yeah.

RK: Well, pull it and there will be icons that show up. If you get the same icon three times, you win the jackpot.

BUSTER: Wait a minute. Now I know why Wade never plays these things. They always increase the jackpot to lure more people into the hotel, and gain more money.

RK: Well, what do you expect? That's what companies do. Besides, it's not like there's a sign that says that.

BUSTER: Actually, there is. Right above us.

(Buster is right, as there is a sign that says "We pay out more to attract more, gain more, and what happens to you? You lose more. :)")

RK: You picked the wrong day to catch onto things.

BUSTER: Actually, I'm at the same level of intelligence I always am. But before he got that TV special and never came back, my uncle taught me about gambling. He said that "a smart gambler knows when to walk away, because in the end, the house always wins." Although, I'm not that familiar with slot machines.

(long pause)

RK: You know, I have a thing for educated people.

BUSTER: OK, let's get busy.

(Buster pulls the lever, and gets three cherries, winning the big jackpot)

RK: WE DID IT! MY UNCLE CARMINE'S SPIRIT LIVES ON!

BUSTER: I didn't know Uncle Carmine died.

RK: He didn't. He just moved to Indianapolis and never came back.

BUSTER: What kind of bastard moves to Indianapolis and never returns?

RK: Hey, my uncle is not a bastard. My grandparents got married before his birth. And maybe the city he was in didn't give him the opportunities he wanted.

BUSTER: Well, if you ask me, you don't just jump ship to Indianapolis and never come back. Wait, when did he leave?

RK: In the middle of the night four years ago.

BUSTER: Oh, well that explains it.

(A message on the screen shows up that says: "In Memory Of The Baltimore Colts")

RK: What were we talking about?

BUSTER: I don't know. But who cares, WE WON THE BIG SCORE!

RK: HELL YEAH, WE DID!

SCENE 5

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

WADE: Ah, a good book is just what the doctor ordered. _The Reign, Ruin, and Redemption of Run-DMC and Jam-Master Jay_ by Ronin Ro.

(The doorbell rings)

WADE: Oh. Must be another care package.

(Wade opens the door to find Manny and Will)

WADE: Manny? Will? What are you doing here?

MANNY: Will wanted to know how you were doing.

WILL: You asshole! WE wanted to know how you were doing.

WADE: Just fine. 50/50 condition. I can get out of the house, but leaving town is a bear. You guys got any girls coming?

MANNY: No.

WADE: Are you sure? You sure Sanna isn't running late, having heard of my big fight and rushing to my aid?

WILL: Nope. Neither of us are close to her.

WADE: Then why are you here?

MANNY: To see how you're doing, you ungrateful fruit stand.

(long pause)

WADE: Did you just call me a fruit stand?

WILL: Look, it's obvious you need friends so we're here to provide it.

WADE: Look, guys, I appreciate the hospitality, but I'm doing fine on my own. I mean, these painkillers are really doing the trick. Who would have thought that?

(Wade slowly turns to the camera with a stupid smile)

MANNY: Look, you're trying to be brave for us, but it's OK. We have games.

WILL: I have _Trouble._

WADE: Great. Now how am I going to mast...

(Wade realizes how loud he was, because Manny and Will stare at him, knowing what he was about to say)

WADE: Master...gin rummy? It's my favorite game but I need better competition like you guys.

MANNY: It's easy. I'll teach you. I played it when I was a refugee.

WILL: You were a refugee?

MANNY: Yeah. When my mother and I escaped Puerto Rico, we were with a bunch of guys on a raft, and we played rummy all night long.

WADE: I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as Puerto Rican refugees.

MANNY: Yeah, but we pretended to be Colombian in order to qualify for welfare.

WADE AND WILL: Oh.

SCENE 6

The Bellagio Hotel

Interior Lobby

Paradise, Nevada

RK: Well, Buster, we won the big jackpot three times. We're the richest guys in Vegas. Well, let's take our cash and get out.

BUSTER: No way, RK. We haven't tried any other games yet.

RK: Buster, we did what we came here for, so let's pack it in.

BUSTER: RK, dude, you opened the door. To a whole new world of card-playing possibilities.

RK: Are you sure?

BUSTER: Sure I'm sure. Carmine's spirit is here, isn't it?

RK: I guess it is. Besides, the whole point of gambling is to earn as much money as you can.

BUSTER: Exactly. We can't let this hot streak go. We caught lightning in a bottle with slot machines, so let's see what else we can do.

(Buster heads over to a poker table)

BUSTER: Yo, guys, you need a sixth?

JOHN: Look, kid, we're not interested in beating a child. You look like you can't find your mother.

BUSTER: Can't find my...sir, I have my own condo, gel in my hair, and I'm wearing a tuxedo. I think I have the skills to pay the bills.

AL: Fine, but it's your loss. Put up as much money as you can, or shut up, take your tiny ball and go home.

BUSTER: Bring it, chowder head.

RK: Buster, you don't want to play those guys!

BUSTER: Of course I do. I have the credentials.

RK: Buster, slot machines are minor league games. Anybody can win with enough luck. Poker is a different story. These guys can take all your money like that.

BUSTER: Well, that's a risk I'm willing to take. Besides, if you loved me, you would support me.

RK: Babe, if you have to question my love for you, I haven't been trying hard enough. KICK THESE FOOLS' ASS!

BUSTER: Thank you. Now, guys, I don't want to scare you or anything but when it comes to cards, I ain't no joke.

("I Ain't No Joke" by Eric B. & Rakim playing in the background)

Buster isn't large, but he's certainly in charge. He takes down the poker players not once, not twice, but three times. He tries his hand at three-card Monte and perplexes the card flipper with two correct guesses. Beginners luck wasn't the case here. Buster actually gains nothing from Go Fish, just bragging rights and a little swagger in his step. Buster tries the slot machines twice more, and succeeds twice more. Soon, all the card players have flocked to him to see if he's the real deal, and if he'll lose eventually. During the experience, RK shockingly finds himself annoyed with Buster, and the poor kid himself has become "drunk" off the constant card games without even touching a shot glass.

(slurred and "drunk") BUSTER: I ain't no joke, I'm gonna smoke the bloke, and poke the hoke, my DJ is President Carter, forced the martyr to barter...

RK: Buster, the games are over. We have mountains of money, let's go before you lose money.

BUSTER: No, sucka, we still have stuff to do in the chicken hatchery. Cool, a slot machine thingy. Let's get some money.

RK: What have I done? I created a card-playing maniac.

BUSTER: OK, that's it.

RK: Buster, you just bet HALF THE MONEY!

BUSTER: Ah, what could possibly go wrong? I'm with Uncle Carmine now.

RK: Yeah, and if you don't win more money, you're going to be with Uncle Aesop when I punch you back to the start of the evolutionary chain.

BUSTER: That reference made no sense. Come on, machine, win me more money!

(The slot machine shows two sevens and a lemon while Buster does the Samantha Micelli in celebration; unbeknownst to him, he just lost half the money)

RK: We just lost half the money!

BUSTER: I won, I won, I won...I lost?! I (BLEEP) LOST?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME NOT TO BET THAT MONEY?!

RK: That's what I...oh, screw it.

TO BE CONTINUED...

("The Way We Live" by Cimorelli playing in the end credits, bringing an end to Part 1)


	2. Viva Las TSE Part II

Last time on _Thank You, Heavenly..._

_-_Jaylynn decides to move to Seattle

-Manny and Will keep a reluctant Wade company

-Buster takes part in slot machines, poker, and three-card Monte, wins every game, gets the big score every time, and ends up losing half the money he earned in a slot machine attempt (after being influenced by RK)

SCENE 1

The Bellagio Hotel

Interior Lobby

Paradise, Nevada

Buster's hair is messed up, his jacket is wrapped around his waist, and his white button-down shirt is rolled up.

RK: Nice going Buster. You lost half of our winnings.

BUSTER: I lost half? I didn't even want to do this stupid crap until you forced me to. Now I have to earn it back. I can't believe you got me into this shit.

RK: You're right, Buster. I was blaming the love of my life when I should've been blaming myself. I forced all this onto you. Well, it's time for me to do what a man's gotta do.

BUSTER: What are you going to do?

RK: Well, I didn't want to disobey Sparky, but I have to get that money back. Wait, hang on. We earned $50,000 today. We have $25,000 right now. We still have more than what we had at first.

BUSTER: You're right. Just bet that money and get the earnings back. Then, we can keep whatever we won.

RK: Good idea.

(RK bets all the remaining cash)

(There were two grapes and a lemon; The boys have no money left)

RK: WE LOST ALL THE MONEY!

(long pause)

BUSTER: So...we won, right?

SCENE 2

The Bellagio Hotel

Interior Newton Ballroom

Paradise, Nevada

Sparky and KG are waiting for the showgirl performance.

SPARKY: It says here that the Las Vegas Vixens...are the hottest showgirls this side of the Southwest.

KG: Oh, that's nice. I'm pretty sure I saw Angus Young eating a bearclaw just three minutes ago...

SPARKY: KG, forget it. AC/DC is not performing here.

KG: Oh, come on, Rodney told me his cousin's ex-boyfriend's brother works for AC/DC, and he was sure that they're playing The Bellagio...tonight.

SPARKY: Well, his connections probably suck.

KG: BUT, THE BEARCLAW!

(long pause)

SPARKY: Just watch the damn show.

("Come And Get It" by Selena Gomez playing as part of the show)

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, brothers and sisters, PLEASE WELCOME THE FEATURED ATTRACTION: THE LAS VEGAS VIXENS!

(The Las Vegas Vixens start dazzling the ballroom with their sex appeal)

SPARKY: They look like robots to me.

KG: Ah, Sparky, you're too young to understand this. GET SOME! GET SOME! GET SOME, COME ON NOW!

(wild cheering)

SPARKY: Wow. This is so boring that...that...that I can't even come up with a cutaway.

(The only cutaway Sparky has is a picture of Michael Cole hugging Hornswoggle, with the words: "RAW-Please Stand By-Technical Difficulties.")

("My Time Is Now" by John Cena starts playing)

SPARKY: Oh, Jaylynn's calling. Wow, this music is loud. Hello.

JAYLYNN: Hello, Sparky?

SPARKY: What's up, buddy?

JAYLYNN: Well, I made my decision. I'm moving to Seattle.

SPARKY: You're grooving to The Battle? I never heard of them. Are they some underground punk group?

JAYLYNN: I'm moving to Seattle.

SPARKY: You're what? I can't hear you, this music is too loud and very distracting and contributes nothing to the conversation you're trying to have with me.

JAYLYNN: I'M MOVING TO SEATTLE, DAMMIT!

SPARKY: You're moving? To where...oh my God, is that Ms. Reno? I have to go, Jaylynn. I have balloons to pop! WOOO! THIS SHOW'S PICKING UP!

JAYLYNN: Sparky? SPARKY?! Shit.

SCENE 3

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

MANNY: CANASTA!

WADE: Manny, we're playing gin rummy.

MANNY: Oh. GIN!

WILL: This is so fun. Just three guys hanging out playing cards.

WADE: I hope TSE and KG don't play any card games over there. Lord knows how evil those things are.

MANNY: What's the worst that could happen? They become addicted, gain a whole bunch of money, and lose it all at the slot machines?

WADE: Yeah, you're right. I mean, only Buster is stupid enough to get addicted, and I don't even think HE will get addicted.

WILL: Well, time for jigsaw puzzles.

(long pause)

(imitating Professor Oglevee) WADE: DAMN!

SCENE 4

The Bellagio Hotel

Interior Lobby

Paradise, Nevada

RK: What are we going to do now? We're cleaned out of $320,000.

BUSTER: Look, RK, bubby, baby, we got into this bind together, and we're going to get out of this bind together.

RK: That's a far cry from when you thought everything was my fault.

BUSTER: Oh, I still think that 100%. But it does me no good to be mad at you when I should be mad at myself. I shouldn't have let you influence me. And either way, I would've been in Hell. And I know what Hell feels like.

RK: What does Hell feel like?

BUSTER: Like Cimorelli disbanding. Or my Mountain Dew running out. Oh, man, I shudder at those thoughts.

RK: Hmmm. But you were right. Eventually, you're going to lose. Because the house always wins.

BUSTER: Now, we need a plan.

RK: Right. A secret code.

BUSTER: Yes. A code that equals normal, everyday behavior.

(The boys think)

RK: I got it! I saw it on an episode of _Family Matters _once. Urkel tried to help Eddie cheat on his chemistry test.

BUSTER: Why would Urkel do that?

RK: Eddo didn't study. Anyway, they came up with a genius code since the test was multiple-choice.

BUSTER: OK, well, adapt it for our situation.

RK: OK. If the answer is A, I'll sneeze. (RK fake-sneezes into a hanky) If the answer is B...

BUSTER: RK...

RK: I'll cough?

BUSTER: Look, if Sparky and KG ask about the money, I'll sneeze.

RK: OK. Then what?

BUSTER: If they ask to see the money, I'll cough.

RK: Next.

BUSTER: And if they think something's suspicious, I'll blow my nose.

RK: You're blowing your nose?

BUSTER: Dude, stop thinking like that. Watching too much Redd Foxx.

RK: I love me some Redd Foxx.

BUSTER: Here come the turkey legs!

RK: Got it.

BUSTER: How did you understand me?

RK: Baby, our hearts have a telepathic connection.

BUSTER: OK, half of that statement is true.

KG: So, Ms. Reno really turned your light on, huh?

SPARKY: KG, I didn't know what that was. I just took the pen and started jabbing balloons like my life depended on it. Then one last jab and...HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

(Sparky and KG laugh heartily)

KG: Hey, bro, could I have a $20? I want some pics with the showgirls and they're only taking bills.

(Buster fake sneezes)

BUSTER: Whoa. This Vegas air is getting to me. (another fake sneeze)

SPARKY: Buster, you OK? Don't worry, buddy, I will fix you up real good. I can't have you miss tonight's performance. I heard a famous rock band is playing here.

KG: AC/DC?

SPARKY: Probably Imagine Dragons. They've played here a couple times before, and they're from Las Vegas so it's easy to book them.

KG: So, RK, that twenty-spot?

RK: Sure. The $20 bill. The big two-zero.

KG: Yeah, hurry. I think Ms. Carson City was checking me out.

RK: That's right. Mr. Jackson. Just...need to consult my handy-dandy...

KIDS: NOTEBOOK!

RK: Ooh, sorry. My handy-dandy...

KIDS: WALLET!

YOUNG BOY: It has no money!

KG: What are the kids talking about? You have money, don't you?

BUSTER: We've got not merely a dime.

SPARKY: Buster, what happened while we were gone?

BUSTER: Other than RK influencing me to play card games, win big money, and lose everything? Nothing else I can think of. Oops.

RK: DAMMIT, BUSTER! DAMMIT, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

SPARKY: YOU LOST ALL THE MONEY YOU HAD?! YOU DISOBEYED ME?!

KG: I CAN'T TAKE PICTURES WITH ANY SHOWGIRLS?!

BUSTER: I SPILLED THE BEANS?!

(All four boys scream to the displeasure of the guests)

SCENE 5

The Bellagio Hotel

Interior Hotel Room

Paradise, Nevada

(The boys continue screaming, and try to regain breath)

BUSTER: Sparky, I didn't want to disobey you. I know you'll just end our friendship and leave like Trina Perez.

SPARKY: Who's Trina Perez?

BUSTER: Exactly.

SPARKY: Buster, I don't want you, RK, or Wade to think of me as your father. You have Col. Rusty for that. But as the leader, I have to steer you guys out of trouble. And you allowing yourself to be influenced by RK is a slap in the face to me, KG, and Wade, who we all put this money down so we could come here. And you, you asshole...

RK: Look, Sparky, I...

SPARKY: Save it, Ryan Kennedy. You know, I was hoping with Wade holed up at home, you would wise up and start acting more responsible. But I was wrong. You're the #3 guy for a reason.

RK: Are you supposed to make me feel bad? Like I committed a crime? I enabled Buster to play, yes. But you can't even see that I'm responsible and I'm taking full accountability of my actions. Sparky, as good a leader as you are, you're a terrible listener. The world is not yours. I may have disappointed you...

MARSHALL: At least he didn't "fisappoint" you.

(long pause)

MARSHALL: It's "disappoint" with an f at the start.

BUSTER: We get it.

KG: Hey, I remember that line. You were on _Sonny With A Chance, _right?

MARSHALL: Yeah, as Marshall Pike.

KG: Yeah, I recognize the voice and everything...

SPARKY, BUSTER, AND RK: GET OUT!

MARSHALL: Fine.

(Marshall leaves in a snap)

RK: Here, you want me to prove that I'm responsible? Take the Oreo.

("Wonderfilled Anthem" by Owl City playing in the background)

SPARKY: (BLEEP) THE OREO!

(Sparky throws the Oreo on the floor and stomps on it)

(RK, in a rare moment, starts crying and leaves the hotel room)

KG: RK, wait. Bro!

SPARKY: Do you think I was too hard on him?

BUSTER: Well, he has to learn at some point.

SPARKY: Buster, what are we going to do? Half our money is down the drain.

RK: I'm going to play myself and get even more money back.

KG: Dude, do you know how much trouble you just got into with this whole gambling thing? Uncle Carmine's spirit came and gone when it was time to go. Plus, you have nothing to bet.

RK: Your money?

KG: No. Losing three-fourths worth of greenbacks is not worth the risk.

(Minutes later, RK is sitting at the poker table with a sly smile, while KG is openly pissed)

KG: OK, it's worth the risk.

SCENE 6

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

WILL: Manny, it's so easy. Just visualize yourself as the puzzle piece. Where would you go?

(Manny is trying to complete a puzzle of the Grim Reaper, Billy, and Mandy from the show of the similar name)

MANNY: Good God. There's only one piece left, but it feels like there are ten pieces left. I hate the pressure. That's why us Puerto Ricans could never claim official superiority over the Dominicans.

WILL: Looks like you need a cheering section. MANNY! MANNY! MANNY!

WADE: You bastards, could you shut the (bleep) up?! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!

WILL: Hang on, Wade. Manny was about to complete this jigsaw puzzle, but he has to put down the crucial last piece.

MANNY: I think I can do it now!

WADE: Are you kidding me? It's the last piece in the puzzle! There's only one place it CAN go-RIGHT HERE!

(long pause)

MANNY: Wade, it wasn't your turn. That's cheating.

WADE: CHEATING?! IT'S A JIGSAW PUZZLE, YOU CAN'T CHEAT!

WILL: Don't worry, Wade, we can just start over.

(Will takes the puzzle apart)

WADE: You guys have pissed me off by being here! I wanted a day all by myself to recuperate, but I can't because you two ninnies are everywhere!

MANNY: What?

WADE: Oh, when you recuperate, that means you try to get better.

WILL: We know what that means, Wade. But you really don't want us here?

WADE: Nope. I would be perfectly content with you guys giving me my alone time.

MANNY: Fine. I renounce my racist ways for your sake, and this is the thanks I get? I'm leaving.

WILL: Me too. I thought we were buddies, Wade.

WADE: We are. But I'm pretty sure you have other friends to entertain tonight.

WILL: Sure, I do. Bye.

WADE: Bye.

(Wade closes the door)

SCENE 7

The Bellagio Hotel

Interior Lobby

Paradise, Nevada

KG: RK, as your older, sagely, more mature brother, I demand you not play poker with these guys. Hey, look, two sausages for $2. HA! Penis joke.

GERALD: Listen to your brother, kid. We wouldn't want to make you cry for your precious money back in public.

RK: I'm not quitting. I'm staying here and taking you guys out for all you have.

BRIAN: Look, it says on the screen that you haven't played poker in three years.

RK: So? I can beat you guys. I didn't put gel in my awesome hair and wear a tuxedo to have Sunday dinner with the Marx Brothers! I came to play some poker, and bah gawd, I'M GONNA PLAY IT! I can't let Sparky down.

FRED: OK, it's your funeral.

("Until The End" by Breaking Benjamin playing in the background)

RK is out for blood and dressed to kill, hoping to win back Sparky's trust. Buster, but not Sparky, shows up. He starts off slow and is dangerously close to being the first one to fold, but he doesn't give up and manages to outlast two other players. Pretty soon, the lobby's attention is turned to the game.

After Gerald and Brian fold, it's down to RK and Fred. RK sees Fred's Foo Fighters bet and raises him a Nirvana. Although Fred is nervous and is strongly considering folding, Gerald tells him that no one is stupid enough to bet Nirvana against The Foo Fighters (seeing as how the latter is the people's choice for better band) and says he's bluffing. Gerald convinces Fred to give up his hand and see what RK's got. He does exactly that, and counters his Nirvana by raising him Pearl Jam. RK has two pair, and Fred responds with ace high straight. Fred wins.

RK: I'm dog meat.

(RK is close to tears)

SPARKY: HOLD ON, YOU BASTARDS!

(Sparky comes in with a completely new ensemble: A Gucci jacket with two gold Mercedes-Benz emblems, black Adidas sweatpants, and a black kangol. Like the ones Eric B. & Rakim wore on the album cover of _Paid In Full_.)

SPARKY: I want to challenge you for all your winnings. And I put up mine.

BUSTER: SPARKY!

FRED: Look, I'm done taking money from worthless kids.

SPARKY: Oh, I see. You're scared to face a 10-year-old.

(The guests go "ooh")

FRED: OK. One last match. You win, you get all of these.

KG: That has to be at least $60,000.

FRED: Try $100,000.

RK: That's more than what we originally won! Did you hear that, Buster?

(long pause)

BUSTER: You just spit on me.

SPARKY: And if I lose, we leave Las Vegas. No point in staying here if we can't enjoy ourselves.

FRED: You're on, Eric B.

SCENE 8

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(The doorbell rings)

(bored) WADE: Oh. Great. It's the pizza guy. Woo-hoo.

(It's actually Manny and Will)

WADE: You guys? I'M SORRY! I'M SO FREAKING SORRY! I WAS SELFISH AND ONLY CARED ABOUT GETTING BETTER!

MANNY: Wow, that was easy.

WADE: Huh? What?

WILL: Look, Wade, besides you and your boys, we don't have many friends besides each other. And we were hoping we could have a fun night together. But, that's obviously not what you want.

WADE: Guys, getting beat up is no joke. And when I got out of the hospital, all I wanted was to have solitude and not have to worry about entertaining anybody for once. But I didn't stop to think that you guys were just looking out for me. I mean, you aren't as popular as TSE.

MANNY: Actually, the school is 50/50 on you guys. Especially me.

WILL: It's true.

WADE: Fair enough. But hey, I have a whole smorgasbord of Papa John's coming here, and no one to share it with. Do you think you two want to...

MANNY AND WILL: HELL YEAH!

WADE: Then let's get this party started!

SCENE 9

The Bellagio Hotel

Interior Lobby

Paradise, Nevada

FRED: It didn't have to end this way, kid.

SPARKY: Didn't it, Fred? Didn't it?

("Animal I Have Become" by Three Days Grace playing in the background)

It's all come down to one final showdown between Sparky and Fred. Who will take home the precious $100,000? Neither guy holds back, as they already start dealing heavy bets. In one, Sparky bets The Beatles, and Fred raises him The Rolling Stones (longevity points). Although Fred nearly finished him off, Sparky had the better hand and stayed in the game. As the contest progressed, bands stopped being used and bets were put on basketball players. Fred bets Magic Johnson, and Sparky raises him Larry Bird. They tried it once more. Fred bet Michael Jordan, knowing Sparky couldn't possibly defend against the greatest basketball player of all-time. Sparky, calm and relaxed, committed suicide by betting Shawn Bradley. Fred ended it by revealing a full house, but he didn't count on what Sparks was going to deliver: The four of a kind.

SPARKY WINS!

SPARKY: I DID IT! I DID IT! YO, ADRIAN, I DID IT!

KG: YES! YES! YES! WE DID IT! WE DID IT! WE EFFING DID IT! WE BEAT THE CHAMPION, NOW WE'RE THE CHAMPION! WE'RE THE NEW CHAMPION!

(long pause)

BUSTER: Dude, even I know that was grammatically incorrect.

RK: Well, you got all that money. I'm sure you and them will have a great time with it.

SPARKY: RK, wait. I flew off the handle earlier. I was pissed off you and Buster lost all that money, that I snapped. I don't want us to fight anymore. Our friendship is complicated enough without some stupid bull every week.

RK: That's the same thing I was thinking. Ever since last year, the four of us have been through some very odd stuff.

SPARKY: Yeah. And every week, there's some underlying moral we have to learn without making the story too saccharine.

RK: Yeah. It's like there are some guys pulling the strings. Some omnipotent presence that gets us into wacky, screwball situations for the amusement of people who may be watching us every week.

SPARKY: Sigh. Well, until we find that presence, we're just going to have to go with whatever it gives us and make the most of it.

RK: Yeah, I guess so. Chums again?

SPARKY: Chums again.

(Sparky and RK shake hands)

RK: Hey, I hear there's a huge musical performance in the ballroom.

SPARKY: If we hurry now, we can make some pretty good seats.

RK: Let's go!

SCENE 10

The Bellagio Hotel

Interior Newton Ballroom

Paradise, Nevada

BUSTER: Guys! We saved you good seats!

(Sparky and RK take the seats as fast as they can)

KG: Dude, I can't wait for this. Feast your eyes on some hard rock legends, boys.

SPARKY: KG, for the last freaking time, AC/DC is not playing here tonight.

RK: Yeah, bro, let it go. Don't get ill, take a chill pill and dress to kill so you can earn a mil. Don't just assume, learn the facts and you'll bloom.

BUSTER: RK, let that go.

RK: Say that again. But dirtier. After all, what happens in Vegas...stays in Vegas and gets posted on YouTube the next day.

(Buster rolls his eyes)

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, brothers and sisters, please give it up for one of the greatest hard rock bands of all-time. They've toured the world time and time again, they've sold countless records, and are considered to be the most influential rock act in history. So, without any further ado, put your hands together for...CIMORELLI!

BOYS: WHAT?!

(collective booing)

KG: HOW COULD YOU PLAY WITH ME LIKE THAT?!

AUDIENCE MEMBER: THEY SUCK, ALL THEIR MUSIC SUCKS!

AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: I'm more of a Harmonizer.

ANNOUNCER: I'm just kidding. A nine-year-old boy paid me $100 to do that.

(The boys angrily stare at Buster)

SPARKY: You wasted $100 just to troll us all?

BUSTER: I wanted to hear him say it. I had to.

KG: Dude, you need to get a life and stop having orgasms for those girls. I mean, they're OK, but other than Christina, they're far from angels.

ANNOUNCER: NOW, PLEASE WELCOME AC/DC!

(raucous cheering)

KG: OMG! OMG! OMG! IT'S THEM! IT'S AC/DC! BRIAN, BRIAN, SAVE ME FROM THIS WORLD!

(KG falls off his chair)

BUSTER: What was that again about me needing to get a life?

BRIAN: We want to thank The Bellagio for having us play here tonight. WE'RE READY TO TAKE OVER LAS VEGAS!

(cheering)

KG: I love you, Brian Johnson.

ANGUS: It's your night, it's our night, it's everybody's night, am I right?

(cheering)

MALCOLM: We're going to play our first song that's not very recognizable. It was recent, off our _Black Ice _album in 2008.

PHIL: And we used it for WWE Survivor Series that same year. It's a badass song, you'll love it, it's going to rock.

CLIFF: None of that indie junk here tonight. Get ready to be sent back in time to the 1980s. Here is..."Spoilin' For A Fight"!

(cheering)

(AC/DC performs "Spoilin' For A Fight")

Throughout the performance are scenes of Las Vegas, Wade playing with Manny and Will while eating Papa John's, and moments from Season 1.

(The end scene is of the boys hugging each other, and a text that says, "Good night!")

SPARKY: Wait a minute, it's not over yet! I got a text from Jaylynn.

KG: What's it say?

SPARKY: She's moving to Seattle?

RK: She's moving to Seattle? Welcome to Hell, America.

SPARKY: This changes everything.

(long pause)

BUSTER: Hey, if we did a Vegas special, why didn't we get Wayne Newton?

(the boys all stare at Buster)

TESTICULAR SOUND EXPRESS: Now it's time for...

STEVE SONGS: Yoo-hoo!

KIDS: Music Time!

STEVE SONGS: With Steve Songs.

("Rock Me" by One Direction playing in the end credits)

("They Call Us Run-D.M.C" by Run-DMC playing afterwards)

©2013 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS

WE'LL SEE YOU AGAIN ON SEPTEMBER 29

HAPPY SEASON FINALE!


	3. Season 1 Retrospective

RETROSPECTIVE

Before I begin, I would like to personally thank Platinum Dork. She is literally the only regular I have and she has reviewed nearly every episode this season. So, I would like to extend my gratitude to her for being the only person to give _Thank You, Heavenly _a chance. Plus, she always has something positive to say. :)

OK, so, where do I begin? The way I see it, there was a time where I planned every remaining episode in January/February, right before "Super Bowl Cum-Day." Several of the episodes I did plan never aired because I was burnt out time and time again. Originally, Season 1 was supposed to end in May like traditional broadcast television. However, I don't exactly know which network would be on if it was actually airing. It has something for everybody. The planned season finale wasn't even supposed to be in Vegas. It was a regular episode called "Red, Blue, Or Purple?" The boys take part in a special questionnaire at school. It determines whether you think like a Democrat or a Republican. In the end, Sparky and Wade are deemed Republicans, while Buster and RK are named Democrats. This frustrates the boys, as they had always believed in the other way around. After a discussion about it, Testicular Sound Express takes on their new roles except Wade, who believes that a test shouldn't tell him which party he supports.

Sparky believes that Wade is forsaking his own party, so he decides to make him a Republican with the risk of homicide if Wade refuses. Meanwhile, Buster and RK decide to create goodwill events, help out at soup kitchens, raise morale in the working/low classes, and for children in pre-K and kindergarten, set up an after-school program for latchkey kids.

After Sparky's attempt to kill Wade fails, he enlists an entire group of crazed, irrational Republicans to capture and slaughter as many Democrats as possible, including Wade. Buster and RK decide to set up two major events: A canned food drive for soup kitchens /homeless shelters, and a fundraiser to contribute to Hillary Clinton's possible 2016 campaign. Wade puts an end to it all by giving a speech, stating that being a Democrat doesn't mean automatically becoming charitable, and Republicans shouldn't be prejudiced because people may not agree with them. The big lesson is that political parties shouldn't be taken so seriously by everyday people, and you shouldn't have to conform to certain ideals because of your party. Sparky reconciles with Wade and becomes a Democrat again, but now describes himself as a "Democrat with Republican traits." Buster and RK decide to be Republicans again, but agree to keep helping others because they WANT to, not because they have to. However, only the Democrats listen. At that point, the Republicans come and start slaughtering Democrats. An annoyed Sparky, realizing what he created, simply says, "(Bleep) it, see you in September, America."

Several Season 1 episodes were trapped in production hell, skipped over, or cancelled entirely. All November episodes were cancelled because of Hurricane Sandy effects. Hopefully, this season, some of my Season 1 episodes will be turned into Season 2 episodes.

Based on views, the most popular Season 1 episodes were "Super Bowl Cum-Day" and "Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013."

I will do my best to structure Season 2 better than Season 1. The fun begins on September 29 and ends next May.

The season premiere is called "Fourth Grade Friday," and will not only address the Freshman Friday ritual but also how impactful the cycle of violence can be. Also, not only does Sparky have to deal with Jaylynn moving to Seattle, but whether she's worthy enough of induction into Testicular Sound Express.

Expect a lot more Run-DMC and Cimorelli references. Because by the time Season 2 closes, the whole world will know who the CimFam are. Believe me, I'm not kidding. They release their debut album this year. Once it hits and blows up the Billboard charts, nothing can save you.

I'm definitely doing another Christmas and New Year's episode. Whereas the New Year's episode (December 29) will be a two-parter, the Christmas episode (December 15) will most likely be a regular half-hour show.

Expect the Thanksgiving episode you never got last year. "Talking Turkey" airs November 24.

Well, that's a wrap. I'm frostyfreezyfreeze54, creator/showrunner of _Thank You, Heavenly._ I'll see some of you on September 29. Any questions/comments can be PM'ed. GOOD NIGHT!

_Thank You, Heavenly Season 1_

_June 24, 2012-August 31, 2013_

_21 episodes_

_SPECIAL THANKS TO OUR GUEST STARS:_

_-Chris Rock_

_-Craig Bartlett_

_-Terry Crews_

_-Ed Hochuli_

_-Carol Spinney_

_-Dallas Jokic_

_-Tabitha St. Germain_

_-Tichina Arnold_

_-Tom Kenny_

_-Jaret Reddick_

_-Duncan Brannan_

_-The Jonas Brothers_

_-Sean Astin_

_-Lemmy Kilmister_

_-Rob Paulsen_

_-Brodus Clay_

_-Owl City_

_-Carly Rae Jepsen_

_-Avicii_

_-Calvin Harris_

_-Matt Vasgersian_

_-Jim Nantz_

_-Phil Simms_

_-Jason Ritter_

_-Run-DMC (Joseph "Rev. Run" Simmons and Darryl "DMC" McDaniels)_

_-*NSYNC (JC Chasez, Chris Kirkpatrick, Lance Bass, and Joey Fatone)_

_-Conan O'Brien_

_-Maia Mitchell_

_-The Beastie Boys (Adam "Ad-Rock" Horovitz and Michael "Mike D" Diamond)_

_-Alyssa Milano_

_-Daniel Bryan_

_-Randy Orton_

_-Ariana Grande_

_-Cimorelli_

_-Michael Kostroff_

_-AC/DC_


End file.
